Forgiveness

The first orange color ray kissed the sky at the break of dawn with the same loving care as a father. These soft rays brought warmth to the city. But as night came the sun started sinking fast and the time raced. I felt hurt.

It was a hot summers day. The grass was green and the birds were chirping. As evening came the sunset. My cousins and I were playing out back all day. There wasn't much to do out but we always found something. We were playing our favorite game called House. We pretended that the garage was a house. The bikes were used as cars and the front porch was a store. We rode our bikes around in circles because the backyard wasn't so big. I was the mom and my cousin Kadeem played the dad. My two youngest cousins, Brianna and Britney were our kids. We liked the freedom and we liked to pretend we were grownups. When my aunt pulled in the driveway we knew it was getting late. I stopped playing house and went inside for something to drink. But when I came back out my Aunt called me, she said a letter came from my dad. It was the first letter in months. I was excited I couldn't wait to read it. The envelope was thick; I was hoping that he'd sent me one of his drawings with my favorite characters on it. I went on the steps to read the letter. As I read the letter tears slowly streamed down my face. It read the following: 

"Hey pumpkin-head, princess, my love. Daddy loves you! I'm sorry I haven't written you in a while, but I didn't forget about you. I miss you so much. How are mommy and grandma? Is everybody ok? How's school? I hope you're doing well. I have some bad news to tell you. They're trying to send me away because I've been so bad. They want me to go back to Jamaica. The distance will be very very far but at least I'll get to talk to you everyday. Always remember that I love you. Take care of the family and mommy for me, she needs you. -Daddy."

I felt a numbness in the pit of my stomach. My eyes were flooded with tears. I completely shut down. But as I was crying I heard my aunt call my name. I quickly cleaned the mess off my face and cleared my throat before answering, "Yes?" When I went downstairs she asked me if I was okay, so I smiled and said of course.When my dad was denounced to be deported out of the United States I lost a part of myself. I let this emptiness and pain blind me by pushing my father away. Our two hour calls became occasional “Hi” and “Byes."

I could've just told him how I felt. I refused to give him a chance because I wanted to protect my pride. So instead I let the distance eat away our relationship. I didn't realize I was only hurting myself. I missed out on our father daughter talks. I missed Father's Day and birthdays- and I desperately missed my best friend. I lost my strength, support and guidance all in one day. Now there's a gap between my father and I that we'll never get back. Forgiveness means you are given another chance to make a new beginning. The day I forgave my father was the day I learned gratitude.